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Monday, December 28, 2009

The Girls Christmas Gifts!

I can not remember everything off the top of my head, but the girls had a mound of presents this year with the help of others. We were so blessed this year. I felt like this was the first year that Amber actuallly did get things off of her list that she wanted. Same thing with Bailey and MacKenzie. And under do protest from me....They actually got items for me also.

Amber----these are gifts from our Emporia family, Santa, Me, Grandparents, and the sitter:

  • Felicity the American Girl doll. She is beautiful. I believe she came with 2 books and a change of outfit.
  • DS games--Pet Horsze 2, Imagine Fashion Design, and a Super Mario game
  • Hananah Montana jewlery making kit
  • Jammies and books and gloves
  • Coat, socks, a couple of outfits. make up
  • Board games-Electronic monopoly, mouse trap, connect 4
  • Taylor Swift CD
  • Paint by Numbers
  • Card making kit and another craft thingy
  • Lil pet shop ISP
  • earrings

Bailey

  • Itty Bitty baby, with book and change of clothes
  • Jammies and books
  • gloves and clothes
  • Board Games-Lets Go Fishing
  • Vtech vsmile with 2 games
  • barbie with horse and stable
  • mermaid doll for the bathtub
  • Lil pet shops and stuff to go with it.
  • Mickey Mouse clubhouse legos
  • color wonders

Kenzie

  • Lil Mommy Baby
  • A baby that sreams when you take paciy out
  • Baby doll accessories
  • mega blocks
  • books and jammies, mittens
  • socks, sweater, clothes

I know there is a bit more for them but I cant remember everything. They love all their gifts. they were all so tickled.

The Last Work Week of the Year

To begins my last work week of 2009. As i sit here talking about our holiday, I am reminded that things are new and fresh. New life, New year, new goals.

This is where I want to be!

Saturday, December 26, 2009

My First Separated Christmas

I knew this holiday was not going to be easy, but I went into it with a positive attitude.

He came over on Christmas Eve to see the girls, brought them gifts...Stayed for a while. He actually did more harm than good. He has not seen them since Thanksgiving weekend. And his schedule has been such that he has not called them much either.

What is happening is his oldest daughter is dying on the inside and now the outside. Over the past 2 days I have seen the sadness in her eyes. So much of it that i have seriously doubted if I did the right thing by leaving him.

I know that I was doing it basically all alone as it was, but at least at times there was someone there for me to cry on his shoulder and hug me. I miss stupid things like that. ANother adult/parent around so that I was not always the bad person or mean person in the house.

But the things that were going wrong so out numbered the few good things in our marriage that would at time go right. For example: I am very much all about the kids...and our relationship, he was all about himself, would work but lacking in the goal department.

Tonight I am struggling...between a sick baby that I can't seem to get her better to a 9 year old that hates the world. Tonight I am dying on the inside. The hurt is strong and its bad. I hurt so much I want to die. I hurt because I feel like all I am doing is causing more pain than am doing good.

This week is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus....and I am trying to stay focus...but alas when I am alone....I feel like I am dying. I don't know who I am anymore, correction I am a Mom but I don't know who Dawn is anymore. I am dying on the inside.

Thursday, December 17, 2009

Snow Please Hold Off

I never thought I would be begging for the snow to not come until after our trip Sunday. I love the snow, but Sunday we are supposed to travel to see my Granny, my cousins and children, and my Aunt and Uncle. I am looking so very forward to it and I hope that the bad weather stays at bay for just a few more days.

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

Trying to Keep the Christmas Spirit

Today I am trying to keep my head held high and remember the Christmas Spirit, but it is hard.

I know how lucky I am that I am with my girls and not away from them and I know how blessed I am to have people that care about the kids.

I am lonely, exhausted, and sad. Sad that a person that helped create these beautiful little girls, can not call or come see them when they need him and want him. I am sad that a marriage is over. I am exhausted with being the only parent at home and having to do it all and remember it all. I am sad that I don't have more patience with the kids at night when they and I are all cranky.

I am sad that no one calls me at home at night or even on the weekends. That I have to call everyone. Why is that?

What did I do?

Remember Our Military Members and Familes

I received this via email from a friend of mine. I am not sure who the author, but I think it is a wonderful reminder when we are rushing around and stressed and annoyed with family members this year....Remember our Military members who would love to be here with their families.



The embers glowed softly, and in their dim light, I gazed round the room and I cherished the sight. My wife was asleep, her head on my chest, My daughter beside me, angelic in rest. Outside the snow fell, a blanket of white, Transforming the yard to a winter delight. The sparkling lights in the tree I believe, Completed the magic that was Christmas Eve. My eyelids were heavy, my breathing was deep, Secure and surrounded by love I would sleep. In perfect contentment, or so it would seem, So I slumbered, perhaps I started to dream. The sound wasn't loud, and it wasn't too near, But I opened my eyes when it tickled my ear. Perhaps just a cough, I didn't quite know, Then the sure sound of footsteps outside in the snow. My soul gave a tremble, I struggled to hear, And I crept to the door just to see who was near. Standing out in the cold and the dark of the night, A lone figure stood, his face weary and tight. A soldier, I puzzled, some twenty years old, Perhaps a Marine, huddled here in the cold. Alone in the dark, he looked up and smiled, Standing watch over me, and my wife and my child. "What are you doing?" I asked without fear, "Come in this moment, it's freezing out here! Put down your pack, brush the snow from your sleeve, You should be at home on a cold Christmas Eve!" For barely a moment I saw his eyes shift, Away from the cold and the snow blown in drifts. To the window that danced with a warm fire's light Then he sighed and he said "It’s really all right, I'm out here by choice. I'm here every night." "It's my duty to stand at the front of the line, That separates you from the darkest of times. No one had to ask or beg or implore me, I'm proud to stand here like my fathers before me. My Gramps died at ' Pearl on a day in December," Then he sighed, "That's a Christmas 'Gram always remembers." My dad stood his watch in the jungles of ' Nam ', And now it is my turn and so, here I am.. I've not seen my own son in more than a while, But my wife sends me pictures, he's sure got her smile. Then he bent and he carefully pulled from his bag, The red, white, and blue... an American flag. I can live through the cold and the being alone, Away from my family, my house and my home. I can stand at my post through the rain and the sleet, I can sleep in a foxhole with little to eat. I can carry the weight of killing another, Or lay down my life with my sister and brother. Who stand at the front against any and all, To ensure for all time that this flag will not fall." "So go back inside," he said, "harbor no fright, Your family is waiting and I'll be all right." "But isn't there something I can do, at the least, "Give you money," I asked, "or prepare you a feast? It seems all too little for all that you've done, For being away from your wife and your son." Then his eye welled a tear that held no regret, "Just tell us you love us, and never forget. To fight for our rights back home while we're gone, To stand your own watch, no matter how long. For when we come home, either standing or dead, To know you remember we fought and we bled. Is payment enough, and with that we will trust, That we mattered to you as you mattered to us." PLEASE, would you do me the kind favor of sending this to as many people as you can? Christmas will be coming soon and some credit is due to our U.S service men and women for our being able to celebrate these festivities. Let's try in this small way to pay a tiny bit of what we owe. Make people stop and think of our heroes, living and dead, who sacrificed themselves for us.

Thursday, December 3, 2009

Separating on the Holidays

I did learn a valuable lesson about being nice to him. He will never change. I will not keep the children from him, but we will need to start separating the holidays a bit. I do not want him to think that our new home is also his. I know that may sound harsh but separation and divorce happen for a reason. We can not get along. And I want to move on and up with my life.

Case in point. This week he had a major issue in his life that he stated he would update me on as soon as he found out something. He did not until I called and he stated he had known all day. Just another way for him to control things.

I want us to be happy and to have a really great life, us is me and the girls. He can have his great life with them also, when they are with him.

The Holidays are a wonderful time of year and a lonely time of year, but I am ok with it this year.

Our Thanksgiving

Our Thanksgiving was interesting this year. It was not nearly as stressful as past Thanksgivings had been. Mainly because he was not there until we were ready to eat.

My parents came over and we watched the Macy's parade and cooked our feast. I love the Macy's parade. That is one of our biggest traditions. We ALWAYS watch it. The girls love it and it is so much fun as each girl grows and gets more into the parade. They get so very excited.

Jason came and had lunch with us and the girls got to visit with him.