Brand New Year

Starting off the New Year by looking into blogging again!

Patriotic

In these times when you can do something to show a service person what they mean to us, take the opportunity to do it.

One of my co-workers, who also was my boss at one time, has a son named Brian that was going to Afghanistan today. We also have another co-worker who is a very active member of the Patriot Guard Riders. Brian's Mom had the Patriot Guard Riders escort them to the airport. This was all a surprise to Brian. But what Debby did not know was that Woody (PGR) did was organize a line of supporters from our office to stand outside and wave flags to show support.

It was so wonderful. A good number of our staff was standing outside in the freezing cold screaming and waving flags when the procession came by.

When Woody came to work afterwards he said it was so moving. Debby was so surprised. But the moment that touched him the most was when he walked into the house. See Brian had seen Woody come in on his motorcycle, then saw all the other ones. He asked his Mom what was going on and she said, this was his escort to the airport. He was moved to tears.

When Amber was 6 and Bailey just around a year, my supervisor's son Chad came home from Iraq. We stood with the PGR outside the airport and welcomed him home. Prior to Chad getting off his plane.....We all welcomed 3 other soldiers and 1 navy person home. Amber still talks about it. And we pray for our service men and women every single night.

Please remember those that fight so bravely, young and old. They give up many things for us.

The Girls Christmas Gifts!

I can not remember everything off the top of my head, but the girls had a mound of presents this year with the help of others. We were so blessed this year. I felt like this was the first year that Amber actuallly did get things off of her list that she wanted. Same thing with Bailey and MacKenzie. And under do protest from me....They actually got items for me also.

Amber----these are gifts from our Emporia family, Santa, Me, Grandparents, and the sitter:

• Felicity the American Girl doll. She is beautiful. I believe she came with 2 books and a change of outfit.
• DS games--Pet Horsze 2, Imagine Fashion Design, and a Super Mario game
• Hananah Montana jewlery making kit
• Jammies and books and gloves
• Coat, socks, a couple of outfits. make up
• Board games-Electronic monopoly, mouse trap, connect 4
• Taylor Swift CD
• Paint by Numbers
• Card making kit and another craft thingy
• Lil pet shop ISP
• earrings

Bailey

• Itty Bitty baby, with book and change of clothes
• Jammies and books
• gloves and clothes
• Board Games-Lets Go Fishing
• Vtech vsmile with 2 games
• barbie with horse and stable
• mermaid doll for the bathtub
• Lil pet shops and stuff to go with it.
• Mickey Mouse clubhouse legos
• color wonders

Kenzie

• Lil Mommy Baby
• A baby that sreams when you take paciy out
• Baby doll accessories
• mega blocks
• books and jammies, mittens
• socks, sweater, clothes

I know there is a bit more for them but I cant remember everything. They love all their gifts. they were all so tickled.

The Last Work Week of the Year

To begins my last work week of 2009. As i sit here talking about our holiday, I am reminded that things are new and fresh. New life, New year, new goals.

This is where I want to be!

My First Separated Christmas

I knew this holiday was not going to be easy, but I went into it with a positive attitude.

He came over on Christmas Eve to see the girls, brought them gifts...Stayed for a while. He actually did more harm than good. He has not seen them since Thanksgiving weekend. And his schedule has been such that he has not called them much either.

What is happening is his oldest daughter is dying on the inside and now the outside. Over the past 2 days I have seen the sadness in her eyes. So much of it that i have seriously doubted if I did the right thing by leaving him.

I know that I was doing it basically all alone as it was, but at least at times there was someone there for me to cry on his shoulder and hug me. I miss stupid things like that. ANother adult/parent around so that I was not always the bad person or mean person in the house.

But the things that were going wrong so out numbered the few good things in our marriage that would at time go right. For example: I am very much all about the kids...and our relationship, he was all about himself, would work but lacking in the goal department.

Tonight I am struggling...between a sick baby that I can't seem to get her better to a 9 year old that hates the world. Tonight I am dying on the inside. The hurt is strong and its bad. I hurt so much I want to die. I hurt because I feel like all I am doing is causing more pain than am doing good.

This week is supposed to be about the birth of Jesus....and I am trying to stay focus...but alas when I am alone....I feel like I am dying. I don't know who I am anymore, correction I am a Mom but I don't know who Dawn is anymore. I am dying on the inside.

Snow Please Hold Off

I never thought I would be begging for the snow to not come until after our trip Sunday. I love the snow, but Sunday we are supposed to travel to see my Granny, my cousins and children, and my Aunt and Uncle. I am looking so very forward to it and I hope that the bad weather stays at bay for just a few more days.

Trying to Keep the Christmas Spirit

Today I am trying to keep my head held high and remember the Christmas Spirit, but it is hard.

I know how lucky I am that I am with my girls and not away from them and I know how blessed I am to have people that care about the kids.

I am lonely, exhausted, and sad. Sad that a person that helped create these beautiful little girls, can not call or come see them when they need him and want him. I am sad that a marriage is over. I am exhausted with being the only parent at home and having to do it all and remember it all. I am sad that I don't have more patience with the kids at night when they and I are all cranky.

I am sad that no one calls me at home at night or even on the weekends. That I have to call everyone. Why is that?

What did I do?